As he thrust into her, she lost her balance and sort of tipped over to the side, her arm stretched painfully over her neck. “Fuck!” she cried, but he just took this as a ringing endorsement and kept on going, until she was like “Wait, seriously fucking just back up a minute here.”
She bit her lip as his hand slid down the front of her jeans, where she realized with horror that his nails needed a trim.
He groaned as his shaft passed over her lips, sucking and bobbing, until she suddenly withdrew. Reaching into the back of her mouth, she extracted a single pubic hair.
“Why are you so tense, sweetheart?” he murmured into her ear, rubbing her shoulders. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.” But what she could never tell him was that actually, she was just trying really hard not to fart.
She was at a loss, unable to tactfully explain to him that her vibrator was the size of a car, and would never fit between them.
As he thrust into her, pounding rhythmically between her legs, she spied the clock over his shoulder. “Oh, shit!” she cried, reaching one arm out for her bedside table. He froze, a questioning expression on his face, and she clarified, “Supernatural is on, I need to check into GetGlue for the sticker!” With a sigh he began to withdraw, but her free hand grabbed his shoulder to restrain him. “No, no,” she assured, “keep going.” She wrapped her arm around him so that she could see her phone over his shoulder, and with an exasperated sigh he resumed pounding.
“My love,” she said mournfully, “when I said you could do whatever you want with me, I mostly meant light bondage.” With a heavy heart, he put the lube away.
“The power’s out,” he purred, wrapping his arm’s around her waist, “and you know what that means.” “That I can’t shower?” she offered sheepishly, and he withdrew to play his DS with a sigh.
“Goddammit, now I have to wash the stupid sheets.”
“What’s got you in a mood?” he wondered appreciatively as she straddled his lap, nipping at his neck. “Internet,” she offered lightly, preferring that he think she’d been watching porn and not reading a morally questionable fanfiction.
He tickled her playfully while she begged for mercy, tears of laughter in her eyes as she reflexively lashed out and punched him in the nose. “I warned you to stop!” she offered helplessly as he stormed to the kitchen, bleeding.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said in his most seductive voice, trying to pretend the mood had not been ruined by her noisy crisis in the bathroom. Next time, he thought to himself, no Thai food.